Carnivore

Another immortal poem for a dead friendship.

Please don’t eat me, please don’t eat me alive

I know what you want, I know that you deserve it

You’re not starving anymore. I’m begging you to be patient

What you crave is how I grew up:

Trophies on the bathroom floor next to overdose vomit

I get it man, I’ve been hungry too

But you need to go real clear with yourself before deciding what to do

I’ll see you in the next life or on the red carpet. I know you’ll be great, you couldn’t be anything but, you wouldn’t let yourself be anything but the best.

Please don’t eat me, please don’t eat me alive

I know what you want, I know you deserve it

You’re not starving anymore, got so much blood on your face

Is it alright if I keep that old abalone satin dress?

It’s what I met him in.

Even if you can’t make it to the wedding, you’ll be with us in spirit

I know you only meant for me to borrow it but you know how it works like catnip

Remember all those clubs and parties, afters going into dawn

Always paid you back for the taxi even if it took a while

Sorry for all the voicemails. I didn’t have anyone else to call

And you said you’d always be there

You said you’d always be there

You said you’d always be there

You got blood on your face for me

More than once, more than twice

I’ll never forget all the times

You almost saved my life

But you’ve got more than enough on your plate

Sometimes you nearly understand when I’m running late

You were the first name I called for June 2022

When I told the doctor I couldn’t be pregnant and she said honey, that might not be true

Yeah you warned me about him

But what was I gonna do

He was tall as my missing father

With the same eyes of cyanide blue

You said his music and films were trash

He was clearly a sad insecure man

But I’ve met your directors, yeah

Glass towers are built to crash

Please don’t eat me

Please don’t eat me alive

I know what you want

I know you deserve it

You’re not starving anymore

I’m begging you to give me some grace, yeah

Anyway I guess I was pregnant

That whole spring in Europe

And I can make jokes about it

Now I’m off the end of the rope

But is it alright if I say that I feel

That you didn’t really make it any simpler

I’m sorry I was too horny and made out

With that stranger in a bush

You dressed me down in front of my Parisian coworkers

But you forgave me by the last train, hey

Sorry I couldn’t sleep too great

And I ate dinner slower than usual

You’ve always run at your own pace

Always run at your own pace

Our friendship runs at your schedule

That’s why we didn’t have time to hug before the departure trains

So I called you from my first car back home

Sinking into a deep blue hell

But you cut me off before I could explain

How I remembered it all too well

Or whatever

I’ll change the names and dates

And identifying information

God forbid anything leaks

That could rust your reputation

Hate to say it but sometimes you and him

Had the same glint in your eyes

Striving for the perfect life

You’re both eager to get your knuckles dirty

Some of that blood was MINE

I’m just happy to be here

Twirling around in third place

Hope you don’t mind the taste

Famine’s over, dude

You’ve done what you had to

You’ll survive

When you get hit

I’m next to you

Getting knocked down to the floor

Then you scold me for flinching

You won’t catch my stray bullets anymore

Blood on my face, man

Blood on my face

So back to June

You didn’t have time again

For my chaotic slutty life, sorry

You were on set

And needed to focus on getting it right

And I heard you

I understood

Hung up and didn’t talk to you

Or anyone about anything for about two months

Didn’t say that I miscarried a child

That I actually wanted until I finally met someone new

Who really treats me well

Not that you’ve got time to show and tell

You apologized but I don’t know

If you really understand

I guess we’re work friends now at best

Maybe I’ll see you at the studio

I don’t think he’d want you in our home, sorry

There I go apologizing again

For telling a little white truth

It’ll be another couple seasons

Before I’ve got time for this

Before I feel like talking to you

Sorry I saved all my old jokes for you

You’re gonna do great

You always have

Please don’t eat me

Please don’t eat me alive

I know what you want

I know you deserve it

You’re not starving anymore

I’m praying that you’ll be patient

I don’t know what it is with me

Is it that in your mind’s eye I’m still lonely at 14?

Just the dummy by herself

At our high school orientation

My mom was so glad I’d found a friend

With theatrical representation

Yeah she’s nuts too

It’s the Aries moon

But at least she always takes my side

Sorry but it seems that it’s been easier

For you to believe some influencers’ influations

I know I don’t look like anybody

Who deserves your sympathy

Just a natural California blonde

Somehow made a refugee

Whoops! I hate it too

You’re thinking you’re feeling confused? Ha

Well maybe if you’d taken the time

To visit me abroad

Instead of waiting weeks on line for Berghain

Yeah I need to decompress too

But I’ve always always always tried

To pick up the phone for you

Even when I’m blind tired

After another round of insane meetings

I’ll listen to you talk about

Some other poor sap who’s not meeting

The standards of intimacy I don’t think

You’ve held yourself to

I guess we’re work acquaintances now

Hope you know I’ll always love you

Like a sister

Like you said

All those times you visited me

In some public hospital bed

Before leaving for another date or lunch or gala

While I pick up the pieces of my head

I wanted to name a son after you, dude

You’re getting this tune instead

Please keep eating

Please keep eating

Maybe I’ll see you down the line