Jawbone

A punk song for my favourite, favourite ex-fiancé.

After what you did

After all that you put me through

After all the ways I lied and fought and prayed for you

I know that I could give birth by myself

In the woods if I needed to

Nothing but the shadows cast by a fire

Running water and torn cloth

Cut the cord with a jawbone

Cut the cord with a jawbone

When you said you loved me

Wanted me forever

In the December when I was 23

Turning 13

I was so hungover after

The party you were working through

Threw up all night but of course

It wasn’t through

Nothing’s ever over with you

Nothing’s ever over with you

The next morning

You know what I mean

Another dawn with wasted hope

Needed to finish washing up

Before work

Knelt before the toilet, opened my throat

To the white python coiled before me

Then I pictured you and that brunette

You told me not to worry over

You told me not to worry over

Of course it worked

I know the tricks

The month before, when you helped me practice

For my final college interview

Couldn’t perform well enough for you

Could never be naked enough for you

Saw her name in your journal

When you were showing off your sketches

After you wanted it from the back

And I was still catching my breath

At least you kept the lights on

I wouldn’t wish your love on anyone

God bless and protect me that I ever thought you were the one

You made me into an animal

You made me into an animal

Found her name online, found her resume

Had to wash you from my hair

Before I straightened it for the last round

Of interviews

Almost ruined my life for you again, again, again

Let myself sob in the shower

Belly full of you and black tea

Made it through, made it out cleaner

You were the first one I called

When they said I’d been accepted

You called me your rockstar

I used to be your rockstar

Now every time I open my mouth too wide

To laugh or sing or cry

I feel the misaligned jawbone

Leftover from the post-partum blues

Yeah, you didn’t consider that, did you

My feet swelled up and my nose changed shape

And my hair thinned to shreds

Now I need a septoplasty

Ask me if I’m really Jewish again

Fucker

Shaydim in the shape of Bashert

Once you met her

Who didn’t mind wasting her life

Picking up after you

Then all of a sudden I was just your

Friend and lover

Three years later, I’m still coughing every time

Your commercials play between the news

Postpartum blues, you bastard

Prayer-eater, dreamkiller

Postpartum blues

And my phone autocorrects PARTUM

To prying or parfum or party because

Those are all words that I use more

Never again never again

Will I be some durak’s hoor

Not even with all these hospital bills, man

Anyway hope you saved up some residuals

From your blood money commercial work

When you told me that you booked Volkswagen

You expected me to go berserk

With pride or glee or nachas

Or whatever you used to get

Instead I asked how your grandparents would feel

About you jumping again over your head into goddamn Nazi debt

You said that they who’d been through Auschwitz

Wouldn’t have minded, cos of all the cash

Guess I’ll have to take your word for it

Since I’m not Jewish enough to pass

For someone you’d ever try to take seriously

God I’m so glad that you didn’t pick me

The amount of government officials

Who’ve sworn I dodged a bullet

Would take your head straight to bald

From where it is now: balding

Hey I’ve got some hair care products

But I’ll never recommend them to you

Sick again thinking about you

Sick again thinking about you

Sick again thinking about you

You wanna know something really awful?

I bet you still get off on stuff like this

When I thought it was all over the first time

I used to wish that you had just hit me

Just broken my jaw or blacked an eye

So I had real proof that you weren’t a standup guy

Some evidence to support the hurt you wrought upon me

Instead you just threw my whole body

Crooked out of joint

You’ve stolen so much of my life away

Stolen so much of my life away

Hell or high water you will pay

Hell or The Hague, you will surely pay

When you die, I hope you know

There’s at least one soul waiting for you

You’re doing daddy daycare now

For all eternity

For all eternity

You will never be able to forget me

This time you will not outrun me

Harry

Harry

Coughing up a lung, damn it

Coughing like the toddler we don’t have

Wherever you are

Where ever you think you are

I’m at home, sipping tea

To try and soothe my throat

Rubbing my jawbone

Rubbing my jawbone

Trying not to break