Red again

Happy Sundance, everybody.

Got new hair

Got a fresh cut

Got a clean suit and my nails done

Yes sir I’m all prepped for holy war

I don’t recognise myself in the mirror anymore

For once that’s a good thing

For once that’s a good thing

Thought about your mouth by accident

Catching up to the news at work

Now I’m gulping air in the lady’s room

Telling myself it doesn’t hurt

Yeah nothing hurts

And that’s what you’ve given me but I took your empty offering

I take all that you offered me

When we met I really thought that we might just end up as friends

Drove out to the beach in September not knowing how the world would end

Full moon like a stage light on the shore that I grew up on

I ever tell you that my second memory is at Will Rogers, drowning

Yeah nothing hurts and that’s what I’ll always take

Like a breath like a bullet like a stake

Sacred breath, a silver bullet, a cherrywood stake

So we talked for hours, so many questions for me

Seemed like you wanted to be careful, at least that first night by the Black Sea

And I just wanted a new friend, somebody nice to talk to

Didn’t think my last moments would be choking for air on cyanide blue

School night I guess for both of us, always more to learn

It was getting late, you always had one eye on your watch

Not that I could see much of your face in the old Pacific dark

I was sitting on the towel with my knees pulled all the way up

Yeah nothing hurts so why should I ask for help

What could your hands ever do for me

Your orbiting hands ever do to me

Are you cold ? you asked me

are you cold like you cared and I thought maybe tonight is when I can stop lying

Maybe now is when there’ll be only good reasons for crying

So I said yes, actually, I was cold

Then you asked if you could kiss me

You asked if you could kiss me

Asked if you could kiss me

If you could kiss me

You could kiss me

Could kiss me

Kiss me

Me

And I should’ve gone home

I should’ve walked up to the bus stop

Burned my clothes and my work phone

Changed names, countries, start over, make it end

Now here we are, another fall but I don’t have to pretend

Used to promise myself I’d never have to say your name again

But here we are, you and me finally getting our day in court

Wasn’t how I used to want this

Wasn’t how I used to want this

Spent too long wishing for the nothing back you gave to me

Take it like a promise and a prayer

Like a promise and a prayer

Now the only oath I’ll swear in front of you is to tell nothing but the truth

The whole truth and only the truth

So help me God, please help me God

And when the lawyer asks if I recognise the man who did all that to me

I will say yes I do

I will say yes sir I do

You’re sitting there, in the suit that I helped pick out for you

Remember when you would ask me before you did what you wanted to

Now you’re looking at me across the hall with an old blade in your eye

Now you want to give me everything

Anything that would make this die

Still checking your watch to see how much my crying has torn into your schedule

But I was born here into nothing, man

be the first to welcome you to hell

And in your car back to your place or at least back to your hotel

Tell the jury if you remember

Tell your peers if you remember

You seemed so happy, lucking out with a girl you really liked

We didn’t grow up in the same place but it felt like Sadie Hawkins’s night

Guess I got what I wanted

All the nothing I asked from you

Before you brought me to your white bed

You asked if I wasn’t too young for you